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The Prosecution: Beth

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She creates vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest helping her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that values the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, giving her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the content we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not everyone enjoys being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private videographer, but companions support one another in minor capacities. I thought filming a short video now and then would be fun for her. Creativity thrives in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I document our time together.

I cherish our friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are socializing?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is content. She needs to respect Beth’s personal space.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some real memories, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she’s working. Each appears confused as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing defined limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their bond?